Friday, February 03, 2012

Welcome to the ledge

The day begins. Candles are lighted and incense is burning. Flashing skeletons are plugged in and doing what they do.
Calm. Unlike a couple of days ago is this feeling of calm. Ever felt anxiety for no particularly good reason? No? Allow me then please to put forth some description of said feeling.
I generally work evening hours. That is a good thing as I tend to sleep better during the day than I do at night. Long story there that I will go into another time.
Anyway, I awakened the other day around the middle of the day and prepared for myself a nice breakfast of eggs and toast and fresh fruit. Funny how the human mind works. You are picturing eggs either scrambled or fried over easy. Perhaps poached. You are picturing fresh fruit as cantaloupe possibly, or bananas and strawberries. Maybe an orange or a grapefruit. It matters not. The breakfast was good.
I then made for myself a quick shopping list. Store bound.
On my list were several staples I like to keep around such as cheese, bacon, bread, produce for salads, etc.
No work that night, so may as well try and get some sleep in. Freshly laundered sheets and Pajamas on, I laid my head and body down for a pleasant night of nothingness.
Ah, but then it began. Shortness of breath and a pounding heart. Sweat. What the hell was wrong? Everything bad that had ever happened to me went racing by, but with terrifying clarity. Even things that could have gone wrong but turned out okay seemed to be thoughts of the scary variety.
Then it hit me. I mentally relived the day and could not remember putting the block of cheddar cheese into he refrigerator. I know I picked he cheese up in the store. Perhaps I had left it in the car. That’s it! Maybe it somehow fell out of the grocery sack and came to rest somewhere on the passenger side floor.
Got dressed and ran down the stairs and out to the car. No cheese.
Okay. Panic time. Into the kitchen and into the trash. Bags - so many bags to root through. However, in one of the bags I found the receipt. Aha! No cheese listed. No time to sleep now. Fortunately, the store the other items came from is open 24 hours a day.
Got dressed and broke the speed limit racing back to the store. Heart pounding even harder now. Retrace. Retrace every step I had taken in that store earlier in the day. Try and take a deep breath. Yeah, good luck with that!
Is it my imagination, or do people in the grocery store after midnight carry about their faces a sort of sickly, green tinted glow?
I had pocketed my list and walked the aisles that carried each item on my precious list. Up, down, stop, go.
Eureka! The produce section! There, on top of a pile of sad avocados, was perched the block of cheese. It may not say a lot for store maintenance, but a deep and relaxing breath finally made its way in and then out of my panic-stricken lungs.
I felt tall. The purchase of the cheese was made and I calmly drove home, put the cheese in the refrigerator and proceeded to sleep like the dead.